looking back

March 17, 2005

the call
what have i done to deserve all that crap?
seroiusly, if you really my friend, you would not have put me down time and time again.
what do you mean by that?
what are your intentions?
will putting me down push you up higher?
i dunno.. i guess, i'll never know..
cause i dun want to know any more.
and yes, i know what you are thinking, "if that's what you really want, it's fine"
over the phone, you blame urself for things that i said to you.
u realised, i stop saying, it's not you and all that..
cos i dun see the need to.
maybe it's because of that, i get attacked.

every sentance, i feel like you are stabbing me real slow.
everytime i hear the sound of the keyboard, it hurts. i try to tell myself, it's ok.. she's busy.
but then..
why can't you just stop doing things for a while and really talk to me?
even friends deserve respect dun they?
you can't imagine how many "wait" i heard.
why do you have to do this to even ur friend?
you said you treat friends better.
Really?

everything just gave me a better view about the both of us.
and damn. i can't stand it.
it still hurts so much just to think about how you do thigns you do.
i dunno why it's bothering me so much.

do you think about how i would be feeling before saying?
have you ever considered how sensitive i am towards things that you said?
have you ever thought about how fraglie my heart is now?
or have you ever tried to know me?

you claim you are bettering me. really?
why do i feel so much worst?
are you trying to say that i should feel much worst talking?
you noe i'm feeling bad now, but do you even care?

dun get me wrong,
i see yuo only as a friend,
the lover in me creased to think you exist.
you are "better" than i am.
"higher" than i ever will be.
more "correct" to say things you "right" to say

i'll stop borthering you, my dear friend.
hope your advise gets generated to another who can take it.
as for me,
ur power overthrew me.
and now, i stop beliveing

everyting is so on the surface.
is beauty only face deep?


A friend of mine's using LJ so i decided to revive my LJ account.
It was... painful yet there is this sense of joy and happiness.
I thank E for moulding me into the person that i am today. for allowing me to appriciate everything that i have.
And i thank you for the beautiful, loving memories for the times we spend together. I was really happy and felt really blessed to have you with me at that point of time.
But perhaps we were never meant to be.
and looking back, you maybe as insecure as i was with you.
I dunno how things would have turned out if A didnt appear and you left.
Perhaps we would still be happy.

But reality is that life still goes on.
And my eyes are only for the beautiful soul that i am blessed to be with.
And there is nothing more to ask.