The hysteria in me has ceased. And now, there is a need for me to question why it surfaced in the first place.

I realized that it did because of only one word- trust.

I don't know why, even after the countless times you bring hurt into my life that I still accepted you like nothing had happened. I may be more guarded and apprehensive than ever, but I tried to suppress that monster as well as I can by showering it with hope and faith.

I never thought that you would leave me the way you did once again- in a flash. It is like you never existed. You may say it is for the better good of the two of us, that there is no point in all that screaming at each other, that we will talk would the tide cools.
But it is just nicer way to tell me to get the f*** out of your life. Reduced to a pest, disregarded.

And why is that so, because you were never one that fights to get the truth, while only the truth has the ability to heal my heart.
I am sorry I don't have the ability to sugarcoat my words, to make them music to your ears, because that's the way I learnt to love- to be transparent about my feelings.

The pain I felt, was not because I lost the lover in you, the attention I got. What I feel was that I lost a friend- one that I know knew me better than most. The fight I started was for me to clear my thoughts about the person you are, to not build misconceptions. To be fair to you. Why is it that you were so nice to me? Why is it that your presence was always there? Why is it that you never took me as your friend? I was fighting to for the word trust. But you took it as if I wanted to beat the daylight out of your system.

Since the day that you came back, I have longed for us to be friends. Close friends. But what happened to that now? I thought I could have you to lean on, when the world wears it mask. But now it seems like I have to fight the battle of recovering alone.

"I never thought you would be so affected".
How can I not be?