It's been a while since I mouthed I love yous from the bottom of my heart.
I never thought that i would, from the bottom of my heart, utter these three impactful words to two special individuals in my life.

I'm furious at the fact that you think that i don't put in enough effort for you. Cause i really do try to be there as much as i could with all the assignments and tests due. i really do feel unjustified when i hear that what i do isn't enough.

It's like everytime i make the effort, i feel like an idiot.

me: i really have a lot of stuff not done
you: Who ask you to come?
me: ok, thanks for telling me what an idiot I am to come and try to spend some time with you.

Those are not the exact words, but till now, it still hurts when i think about it. Tauruses take people for granted. The both of you are aware. Why don't you see that everytime i try to make an effort, i;m actually afraid of being slammed at for being the big fool i am, sacrificing my time for you? Aren't there times where i rush down just to make sure that you have someone beside you to cry and to pour your angst out on when needed? Aren't there times where i sleep over just to make sure there is company next to you, so that you can have a better night's rest?

At times, you just make me feel as if i am there because there isn't any other to feel that time for you. And i am expected to be there just because i am a friend. Wow, i find that mentality amazing beyond words.


I'm just disappointed with the dynamics. disappointed that i am blamed for spending too much time with love. Love doesn't get most of my attention, work does. Point is, why cant you guys be happy for me that i have found love to make me happy? Why am I condemned due to the fact that love is around? Why don't you see that if love was around for you, you would have gone as crazy as i am now? Or are you trying to deny the fact that love will not do that to you? Come on stop denying, i have seen it happening. And i can tell you that from the bottom of my heart, I love seeing that you were happy with love. Perhaps love makes people ignorant.

I had enough of getting hurt by people who mean the world to me. This is to the point that I find no reason in putting that effort to maintain something that i have been believing in for a long time. A belief that i will have you guys for life as you would have me.

I love you guys, I really do. That's why i get so hurt and affected by the things that are said and done. i really do want to believe that there will be a rainbow condo for us to reside in.

The tennis ball I picked for you is still staring at me.